Do I or don't I??? There's a parade-there will be floats and people and merriness. And it will be early-but it is thanksgiving....
Do I need to experiece this? Well, i think I must! I'm in Chicago and there's a parade and it's going to be warm-ish.
It's T-day eve and I'm chilling with my Christmas music and Amaretto Sours. yummy in the tummy-prepping for tomorrow.
What am i thankful for you ask? Well you didn't but I'll make believe you did.
hmmm....
well, that I have a job. In this economy beggars cannot be choosers-so I'm pretty grateful for that-no matter how much my boss drives me nuts.
I have friends in town now. Yes, some moved off to the west coast-and everyone thought-what will dena jo do? but i have a couple friends of my own.
my family is mostly healthy and well.
i have a roof over my head
my car still works
it hasn't snowed yet
michael buble is no longer dating that model chic
we have a fantastic new president!!!
my chicken in the oven smells good
my facebook friend count is growing
i'm fairly healthy and happy
so not so bad here in Chi-town.
This may be the season to remind everyone what we do have-and not focus on what we do not. Like sales-i work in retail-and money is tight-so now i just want to be grateful that I have customers coming into the store at all. And just trying to keep them happy since they're spending what little money that have at my establishment.
It's a little harder to be away from the family this holiday season. With grandma p. passing away, and not being home for the holidays last year. I am feeling a twinge of homesickness-which doesn't happen often with me. But it's there a little this year. i am looking forward to the family vacation in September. Tennessee and mountains-I cannot wait.
I did see a woman wearing a medical mask in her car today-that was a little odd. It gave me a welcome chuckle though.
well those are the ramblings on thanksgiving eve.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Sunday, November 9, 2008
family is
My grandmother died in May. I lived with her for almost 4 years. She was a divorced woman. Never remarried. I think she had little faith in men-her husband beat her and the kids. And 20, 30, years later-those emotional scars were as visible as the day she left. Maybe more so.
I spent 4 intense months in D.C. studying violence against women, the VAWA legislation, and working in an non-profit that helped women in war torn countries. We talked about all of the scars and bruises left on a person who's been through such violence. Especially when you can't get any help. When my grandmother and her kids were being beat-cops didn't get involved in domestic disputes. Shelters weren't there for women like they are now. She had nowhere and noone to go to. It wasn't till her youngest child was 18 that she finally left-and it was a long difficult process. One that her husband was not a willing participant in. But evenutally she got her divorce and nothing else.
She struggled to make her way on her own. And those struggles showed in her later life. The insecurities that her husband beat into her-plagued her later. She never got professional health-so she didn't know how to deal with the pain, hurt, confusion, anger, etc. She worked hard though. Got her own place-ran up her own debt-and survived. She found small times of happiness in her kids and grandkids. But I don't think she was ever really happy. Too worried about upsetting someone, or someone being mad at her. I tried to will her to have some self esteem-how silly that seems now. I used to try and encourage her to get out there and get involved and make some friends. It was probably the most depressing time of my life. I couldn't do anything-and eventually I gave up. Stayed away as much as I could so I didn't get caught up in the endless stream of pessimism and negativity. Which just led to her thinking I was mad at her.
I spent a lot of time being angry at the man that did that to her. I saw it as the root of all the problems in our family. Maybe it is. I think she's happy now. I know she is. The words sound harsh-but she had no real desire to live. She would have liked to be around for the grandkids-but the fight in her was long gone, I think. She spent her whole life fighting and surviving. That's not a way to live a life.
my family is dysfunctional. (i know-everyone's is) and that may be so-but we all have our own dysfunctions. but even with all of that-is love at question? is it doubted? i never thought so. but it is. and i guess it's not surprising. all the things not said or not done. well, sometimes that leads to the perception of a lot more not being there. that's a shame.
I spent 4 intense months in D.C. studying violence against women, the VAWA legislation, and working in an non-profit that helped women in war torn countries. We talked about all of the scars and bruises left on a person who's been through such violence. Especially when you can't get any help. When my grandmother and her kids were being beat-cops didn't get involved in domestic disputes. Shelters weren't there for women like they are now. She had nowhere and noone to go to. It wasn't till her youngest child was 18 that she finally left-and it was a long difficult process. One that her husband was not a willing participant in. But evenutally she got her divorce and nothing else.
She struggled to make her way on her own. And those struggles showed in her later life. The insecurities that her husband beat into her-plagued her later. She never got professional health-so she didn't know how to deal with the pain, hurt, confusion, anger, etc. She worked hard though. Got her own place-ran up her own debt-and survived. She found small times of happiness in her kids and grandkids. But I don't think she was ever really happy. Too worried about upsetting someone, or someone being mad at her. I tried to will her to have some self esteem-how silly that seems now. I used to try and encourage her to get out there and get involved and make some friends. It was probably the most depressing time of my life. I couldn't do anything-and eventually I gave up. Stayed away as much as I could so I didn't get caught up in the endless stream of pessimism and negativity. Which just led to her thinking I was mad at her.
I spent a lot of time being angry at the man that did that to her. I saw it as the root of all the problems in our family. Maybe it is. I think she's happy now. I know she is. The words sound harsh-but she had no real desire to live. She would have liked to be around for the grandkids-but the fight in her was long gone, I think. She spent her whole life fighting and surviving. That's not a way to live a life.
my family is dysfunctional. (i know-everyone's is) and that may be so-but we all have our own dysfunctions. but even with all of that-is love at question? is it doubted? i never thought so. but it is. and i guess it's not surprising. all the things not said or not done. well, sometimes that leads to the perception of a lot more not being there. that's a shame.
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