I've been feeling better. Or so I thought. Physically. I've definately been feeling better physically. Mentally and emotionally is still a bit of a rollercoaster. It's weird, because you think you should be off the rollercoaster since "everything else is going os well." But maybe it's when you're feeling almost normal but still can't do everything by yourself; that's when it's more frustrating. There's not painkillers to help dampen the pride enough to ask for help. You just have to do it. And it's nice to see everyone. But it's like being so close but just skimming something and losing. Now, I still have a far way to go-it's not like I'm going back to work tomorrow or anything. I'm on day 13! But paitence was never my virtue-and I'm trying really hard to work on that through this whole process. Between the motivation to do the stuff at home, and the increasing need to feel like I'm on one piece again! It's this battle of wills. Thankfully I have a fairly extensive Itunes library you manipulate myself with. The proper motivation. You just get to this point where you want all of the small steps to be bigger. And they're not.
I think, too, it's the drug haze is gone and you start to realize the actual length of time and committment needed to really get back to normal. Monetarily, time, energy, scheduling, mental-months. The magnitude starts to hit you. I mean let's face it, you don't have much else to think about when you're not at work every day or going out with friends often. It's a lot of "me" time. And boy that can drive a person batty!
The good thing in it all is I have no choice. If I want to be able to walk normally and work normally I have to do it all. There is no other viable option. So it does take, at least, the stress of decision making out of it all.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just bummed I didn't get to go to my Michael Buble concert tonight. :(
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